Seeking First The Kingdom

Want to begin once again by showing you a little video clip, please take a look at this.
Hi Jennifer, it's Amanda.
How are you?
Great.
Just whipping up something for dinner after a long day at the office.
Well, Rick and I are going to the ball game tonight with Sharon and Mike.
John and Lisa were coming, but they had to bail, so now we're stuck with two extra tickets.
All the other couples we know can't get a babysitter this late, and we thought you'd probably
be free.
Want to come along?
Oh, I appreciate the invite, but I already have plans.
Thanks.
I'll see you Monday.
Oh, hi, oh hey Jennifer, you know what, I knew I'd find you home tonight.
Hey Gary and I are just having some folks over to our house, we're going to have food and
games.
He even got this karaoke machine from somebody at work.
They're so funny.
I don't know if you've ever done one before, but I know it's last minute, and if you can't
do it, I'll totally understand, but can you watch our kids tonight?
We'll pay you, of course, and Rachel, she's almost totally over the biting thing, and
Michael, we're doing pretty good on the potty training.
He's almost there.
A good example of what not to do.
Let's tackle the subject of what it is to be single and what does it look like to honor
the Lord and to first seek his kingdom and his righteousness as a single person.
Remember the 2006 Canada Census has told us that for the first time in history, the
number of singles over 15 exceeds the number of marries, and to be single is to have opportunities
and challenges that in some ways are similar to that that are faced by married folk, but
in some other ways are significantly different.
I want to begin this morning, then, by talking about the fact that first of all, being single
according to Scripture is not a disease of which we need to be cured, with over half the
population over 15, now unmarried, this is perhaps not as prevalent a myth as it was once
upon a time, but I dare say it persists in many different quarters, and the argument goes
something like this.
If you're a normal person, then you get married.
And if you reach a certain age, and that age limit varies from decade to decade according
to what the average age of marriage is, if at a certain age you haven't gotten married,
then there must be something wrong with you.
And that puts a huge pressure then on people to try to get married sometimes with devastating
consequences and sometimes encouraged by the snide and sarcastic remarks that are made
by well-meaning relatives and individuals, and it's important to understand then from
a biblical point of view that marriage isn't the end all, and that being single is not
a disease of which we need to be cured.
In fact, if you read carefully through all of one Corinthians chapter 7 that we alluded
to earlier, then you will discover that from Paul's perspective in certain situations
and at certain times, being unmarried is preferable to being married.
Notice again how he puts it in verse 7 of chapter 7.
He says, "I wish that all men and we could add all women, whereas I am."
And if there's any question about what it is that he means, he goes on to clarify in
the next verse, "Now to the unmarried and to the widows I say, it is good for them to
stay unmarried as I am."
And in fact, if you read that whole chapter through, particularly if a young person contemplating
marriage, then you get the impression that Paul is very anti-marriage.
And that is the wrong impression because what Paul is trying to do in one Corinthians
chapter 7 is to encourage our full devotion, whether single or married to the Lord Jesus.
Because the defining verse in one Corinthians chapter 7 is verse 26 where he says, "Because
of the present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are."
That word can also be translated, "The impending crisis."
And clearly, from Paul's point of view, they're moving into or are already into a period
of time in history of great social disturbances and trouble.
And as argument is this, when you're married, then you got to worry about your partner and
about your family.
If you're single, you just worry about your relationship with the Lord.
Here is how he puts it.
A married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can place his wife and
his interests are divided.
But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her
husband.
And as argument is, as he clearly explains in verse 35, "I am saying this for your own
good not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to
the Lord."
So here's this argument, while it is true that sometimes in history and in some relationships,
we conserve the Lord better, married, there are also times and places in history where
we conserve the Lord better as a single person.
He's interested in the undivided devotion of our hearts to Jesus.
Now, I was thinking about that a little bit this past week, the story of John Wesley came
to mind.
You'll recognize John Wesley, perhaps, as the founder of the Methodist family of churches,
out of that eventually came the holiness churches, and eventually, what's known as the Pentecostal
movement today, John Wesley was born in England, 1703, died, I believe, in 1791, was an incredible
titanian preacher, traveled if you can imagine something like 250,000 miles on horseback,
gave away any money that he ever got, 30,000 pounds, I can imagine how much money that would
be today, and he preached over 40,000 sermons.
He was a firebrand who was credited with saving England with his preaching from the devastation
of the French Revolution of the continent, but he was a man most unhappy in love.
Fell in love twice, actually, the first time when he was a missionary to North America,
and that went so sour that he got into all kinds of trouble and at the high tailored
back to England, and then later on, he fell in love with a woman by the name of Grace
Murray, and if you can believe it, was fully intent on marrying her when his brother Charles,
the famous himwriter, and his associate, George Whitfield, who was the Calvinist colleague
and preacher, persuaded this woman to marry somebody else because they didn't want her
to interfere with John's itinerant preaching. He didn't really feel very grateful to them
for that little bit of help they provided with him, so rolled a clock forward and he has
the misfortune, and that's the only way that you can describe it, of choosing to marry
a woman by the name of Molly Vizel when he is 48 years of age.
She was a widow, had four children, she was a French, you cannot descendant, but the
kindest thing that you can say about that lady is that half the time she was completely
nuts. That's charitably put. She caused him no amount of grief, picked fights with him
all the time, was insanely jealous, would travel a hundred miles to try to find out who
was riding in his carriage with him. At one point she cornered him and Charles in a room
and spent hours outlining to both of them what their problems were, and the only way they
finally get out of there was Charles chose to tune her out and he spent all the time
from memories spouting off Latin poetry and she finally got defeated and gave up. Quite
a lady. For a while she left John in 1771 and John writes in his journal, "For what cause
I know not my wife stood out for Newcastle, purposeing never to return." And he says,
"I did not forsake her, I did not dismiss her, I shall not recall her." Kinda captures
his feelings towards his wife. So she died in 1781, Wesley was elsewhere in England
and it's a telling commentary on the nature of their relationship that in fact he never
attended her funeral. And so later on to one of his colleagues, fellow by the name of Henry
Moore, John said that he believed God overruled this prolonged sorrow for his good and that
of Mrs. Wesley had been a better wife and had continued to act in the way that she knew
well how to act, he might have been unfaithful to his great work and might have sought too
much to pleasure her according to her own desires. Some people are better off staying
single and if you conserve the Lord better single than married, it's a perfectly legitimate
biblical call to accept. How do you know that you're calling? Well you need to have what
Paul calls his gift, that is the gift of celibacy. If that is not the case then it is better
to marry, he says, that it is to burn with passion. Being single is not a disease in which
we need to be cured and secondly we need to learn to trust the Lord to provide the deepest
needs of our hearts and of our lives. The tendency for all of us, and this is especially
true I think, when we feel alone or when we find ourselves without a relationship, is
to think that I've only I can find a significant relationship, this empty spot in me will be
filled in and so a lot of people when they find themselves in that place, they go around
trying to find a lover, they go around trying to find that special friend all in the hope
that somehow or another in that context I will feel much more fulfilled. And it's true
as we said many times that a good relationship and a good marriage is often one of God's
provisions to settle something in our hearts when when Adam was all alone, God created
Eve for him. That having been said, relationships alone, very seldom meet the deepest needs
of our hearts. I've been around long enough and I've seen the insight of enough marriages
to now as some of the loneliest people I know, our people who are caught in a bad relationship,
a relationship that is cold and sterile. And the reason for that is that intimacy is
more than just companionship, it's more than friendship and it's certainly more than
just sleeping together. True intimacy is an ability to let you see into me and me see
into you. It is being hard to heart and face to face, it is knowing that we share a common
life and that is a function of our ability to do intimate relationships and to the degree
to which we're broken or our partner is broken, to that degree the capacity to do intimacy
is severely compromised. And you can go from serial relationship to serial relationship,
you can travel all over the world trying to find that special love when you do find
it the chances are you're going to sabotage that relationship because you haven't got
what it takes to do it. And so the biblical antidote for that is to try to find our life
in the Lord Jesus. To have people coming together don't a whole person make. All of a single
and married need to draw our life from the Lord Jesus so that in relationship with the
Lord Jesus we can give to each other what we can give. Listen to these words written by
a young man who is still single. He says it has been said that happiness comes from
happiness but joy comes from the Lord. Can I be joyful as a single? That I can be joyful
as a married man. If I cannot be joyful as a single I may have a problem when I'm married.
The joy of the Lord is my strength. I am complete as a single man and I experience joy.
However sometimes I do feel like I don't have enough strength to do this on my own. I
can ask God to fill me with strength and he feels me with joy. I do get lonely from
time to time. God reminds me that he's always there for me. He will never leave me nor
forsake me. He reminds me of my network of friends and people that I'm accountable to.
They keep me company on my walk with the Lord. He goes on to say I have personal tastes
in a woman. Someone joyful loves the Lord spirit filled, a servant's heart. I appreciate
beauty but most beauty is on the inside and will remain that way, 50 years and 50 pounds
from now. I have to trust God to know my heart and give me someone that helps me in my
walk with the Lord and still makes my heart jump from time to time. Paul says I am trying
to secure your undivided attention to the Lord and so instead of running around feverishly
saying age is moving on. My clock is ticking. I need that special relationship. Concentrate
on the Lord and trust that in his wisdom and in his time as we walk with him, he knows
what our needs are and he is committed to meeting those needs according to his riches
in glory in Christ Jesus. One word here to the rest of community, one thing that singles
often complain about is the inveterate desire that some of us have to be matchmakers. You
know, I'm going to invite you over. Oh, but I forgot to tell you that I'm also inviting
that other single person over and after a while they feel as if they can't manage their
own lives and they always need our help. Now it's good to be sensitive and it's good
to be there for each other but don't treat people like children, allow people to set their
own course. If they need your help, they'll ask it soon enough. Being single is not a
disease of which to be cured. We are to trust the Lord and then we need to honor the Lord
in our social life. And this applies to married folks as well as to those who are single,
but I think in an age where sexual promiscuity parallels that of Paul's day in Corinth,
single folk in this day in age face a particular temptation and we kid ourselves in each other.
If we think that's not the case. So let me be very frank with you this morning and give
you some very practical, biblical advice. Avoid sexual hook ups that are not warranted
by Scripture. The book of Hebrews puts it this way very bluntly. Marriage should be
honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure. For God will judge the adulterer and all
the sexually immoral. And Paul, on Galatians 5, 21, nails it home when he says in the
context of the works of the flesh, I warn you as I did before that those who live like
this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Now a lot of people when they read Scriptures
like that and other Scriptures where God warns about sexual sin in particular, they get
the impression that God is anti-sex and that he's down on loving relationships. Nothing
could be further from the truth. It's God who designed marriage. It's God who created
sexuality and it's God who blesses pleasure. But sex like all good things can be a force
for good but also a force for great destruction. It's like fire. In the fireplace, it can
heat your home. Out of the fireplace, it can set the whole place on fire. Sex is a lot
like that. It has the power to bond us in relationships and keep us in relationships
long after everything else is gone. And it has the power to drive us in a direction from
which a little return can be gained. And God says, I want to spare you the pain of having
to discover the hard way that the way of seed seems right to me and but it leads to death.
And at the risk of belaboring the point, we live in a day and age when kids as young as
11 and 12 are now hooking up and engaging in a variety of sex plate forms. There are
many young girls anxious to lose their virginity simply to get their friends off their backs
so that they don't have to pretend that they are just as worldly wise as everybody else.
And I want to tell you something. I have never yet in my 35 years of ministry ever met
anybody who regretted waiting until they were married for their first sexual experience.
And I cannot begin to tell you how many people I have met with over the years who afterwards
deeply regret it. Their inability and their unwillingness to wait because there is always
a price to pay. I'm realistic enough to know that when you're unmarried, there is a hunger
that says, I wonder what it's like. And I know that when people have been divorced or separated
or widowed and this has been an important part of their life, everything inside you says
I'm being defrauded. But hear me when I say, a scripture is categorical in its desire
for us to walk in sexual purity and sexual holiday. So we need to create a culture in
the church where this subject cannot only be discussed openly, but where we can come
alongside each other and help each other because the shame is overwhelming and what typically
happens. It all goes underground. It impacts our relationship with God and it impacts our
relationship with each other. And we think we're the only ones that are caught up in it. We're
not. It's a reality of life. But Jesus came and He died and He rose from the dead and He poured
out His Spirit so that by faith in Him, we can be renewed and encouraged even in that area.
We need to avoid sexual hookups. And then we need to be careful in the friends we choose.
Scripture puts it this way, do not be deceived, bad company ruins and good morals.
From adolescence on, it's a fact of life that the most significant influences in our lives
are no longer our parents and no longer authority figures. It is our friendships.
You show me the friends that you hang around with and I will show you where your life apart from
God's amazing grace will end up. Bad friends, they'll take you down the garden path. Good friends,
they can encourage you, they can strengthen you and they can help you walk with God. Birds of a
feather flock together. And one of the great things that we can do for one another in the context
of Christian community is to provide the social environment where we can form attractive
friendships so that those friendships can carry us through in our walk with God even when our
own faith is weak. Someone puts it this way, blessed as the man or the woman who doesn't walk
in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sits in the seat of mockers. Notice
the progression. We begin by walking in the counsel of the wicked. Pretty soon we're hanging around
with them, we're now standing. And before you know it, we're sitting with them and their life
has become our life. Honor the Lord, avoid sexual hookups, choose your friends carefully,
and then choose to be a faithful friend. And a faithful friend is first of all a person
who has made up his or her mind not to defraud the other person or to take from them what is not
theirs to take. In the little video clip with which we began this message, why did the girl slam
the door shut? Because she knew she was being taken advantage of. All we knew you'd be home
and you see it leading up to, hey, I'd love to come over to your place and have a game night
with you. The last thing she expects us to be invited to babysit. But you don't have to be an
insensitive clot of a married person to take advantage of somebody else. I mean how often
don't we become somebody's friend because in some way we figure it will benefit us.
How many times doesn't it happen that we surround ourselves with friends that that we think
can help us climb the social ladder and we bask in their reflected glory. And then when that
glory is tarnished, are we don't receive back from them what it is that we're looking for?
Or somebody better comes along how quickly we ditch the relationship and how quickly we find
somebody better. And how often doesn't it happen that we pray on somebody's vulnerability
and their weakness? And we push into places that we ought not to push in simply so that we can be
gratified and can be satisfied in our own flesh. I'll never forget the story. It's a true story.
Young man had come out of a pretty promiscuous life, had become a Christian at university
and rose to occupy a significant leadership in a Christian university organization.
But as so often happens every so often, he couldn't keep up the pace of righteousness and he drift
back to his old lifestyle. But he's smart enough that he didn't want to be seen visiting the bars
or anybody from his university community could recognize him. So he'd go to a town some distance
away, go to the bar there and try to pick up a girl. Well, it so happens that on one of those
journeys, he met up with a girl that he recognized from university, but he didn't think she recognized
him and so applied her with some drinks and piled on all the usual charm and got her off some
place and managed to seduce her. And what it was all over, she looked at him with tear streaming
down her face and she said, you know, but I thought you were different. I thought you were different.
And that cut him to his heart because he understood for the first time that all these casual
hookups that he was engaged in were causing huge damage to the souls of the girls that he managed
to seduce. It became the defining moment in his life that made him fully turn his back
on that old lifestyle. The Apostle Paul puts it this way, he says, in this matter,
in this matter of sexual relationships and not defrauding each other in this matter, no one
should defraud or should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. To be a faithful friend
is not only to make sure that you don't take advantage of somebody, but it's to commit yourself
to wanting God's best for him or her. Often in this day and age people will say, well,
you know, this relationship is mutual. He wants it. She wants it. We both want it. What is the harm?
Everything you and I do in somebody else's life that causes them to fall short of God's requirements.
Not only loads them down with guilt and shame, whether they recognize it or not,
but it moves them further away from knowing God and having a relationship with him.
And if we really love each other, then what is more important than our partner or our friends
to know Jesus? Which means that we stand for truth. We walk in integrity. We challenge them in places
where they're wrong. We refuse to lie for them. We would rather be alienated in this relationship
than to compromise truth. Because what all has been said and done, if anybody is going to come to
faith in Jesus, they're not going to come to faith in Jesus because you and I have compromised
their values, but because we have stood true. There are so many people who think, if I only become
like the world, I can win the world. But let me ask you, why would the world want to become a
Christian when you're just like they are? They're only going to want to become a Christian if they
can see something in your life that is significantly different, valuable and precious enough for them to
say, you know, whatever it is that you've got. That's what I want. My life was changed years ago
because there were people. I looked at them and I said, I don't know what it is that they've got,
but I want it. And it set me on a search to find the Jesus that defined them in a real way.
Being single is not a disease from which we need to be cured. We need to trust the Lord
to provide for our deeds where to honor the Lord in all our social relationships.
And then we need to serve the Lord wholeheartedly. Let me take you back to one Corinthians chapter 7.
Why does Paul say to be single in times of present or impending distress is better than being married?
Because a married person in those situations has a divided heart, his attention is divided
and Paul says, I want to spare you that because I want your attention to be focused in undivided
devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. There is an ocean in a lot of Christian community that somehow
or another you can so your wild oats fail to make significant spiritual commitments when you're
a young adult because you're still trying to find your way and to try to find your relationship.
I understand where that comes from. And yes, there is room and there is need for us to follow our hearts
and to see where life leads us. But you know this single largest unchurched demographic in
North America today is the young adult group of people. And that group more than anything is
frustrating for a lot of churches because nobody can get a handle on them. Why? Because in many
instances that I'm not talking about that universally and I'm not talking about that necessarily
here in this church but in many instances the young adults are slippery as eels.
They don't want to make a commitment to this or make a commitment to that because they want to
keep their options open. And so at one point in time they're all ready to go and they're already
a part of community but the next moment they throw it all aside because they've got their own
agenda to pursue. And again as I said I could understand that but you don't have to be married
before you're fully devoted to Jesus and you don't have to be married before you're fully devoted
to community. And the best way to get incorporated into community is to get beyond evil gazing
and beyond well what do I want and what are my needs and you surrender yourself to Jesus and
you give yourself to community and you say I'm going to serve the Lord and make him the
priority of my life with whatever time, talent and treasure that he entrusts to me.
Because you see the promise of Scripture is that as I seek first his kingdom and his righteousness
what is the Lord promise? All these things for which the world is looking he will provide
according to his abundance in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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