Moving On 3

want to come back this morning then to
where we left off a month or so ago in
our regular study of the book of Acts
looking this morning at moving on part
three from Acts chapter 20 quick review
of the background you will recall the
paul is on his third missionary journey
he started in Antioch which is his home
Church in Syria right we got to back up
there is Antioch in Syria so he visited
his hometown of Tarsus and then the
places that he visited in his earlier
missionary journeys then took a side
trip to Ephesus he had not previously
been to Ephesus had not previously
established the church there spent the
better part of three years in Ephesus
and then decided to continue forward
with the rest of his missionary journey
I'll talk more about that in a moment or
two but that's where we pick it up
reading Acts chapter 20 beginning at
verse 1 it was a big riot you will
recall in Ephesus because the gospel was
so effective verse 1 when the uproar had
ended Paul sent for the disciples and
after encouraging them said goodbye and
set out for Macedonia
he traveled through that area speaking
many words of encouragement to the
people and finally arrived in Greece
where he stayed three months because the
Jews made a plot against him
just as he was about to sail for Syria
he decided to go back through Macedonia
pray with me Lord as we pick up where we
left off a number of weeks ago I pray
that you will bring back to our hearts
and minds the privileges of following
you
and how life is a journey and that in
that journey sometimes we leave behind
things in people that have been part of
the journey along the way and often that
is scary sometimes that fills us with
terror but Lord you promised to go with
us and you've also promised to equip us
so that we make those moves and do them
well and so as we look again at the
subject for a bit this morning I just
pray that you give me the words that I
need and all of us the ability to put
ourselves into the situation so that in
every way our lives will honor you and
bless you we pray that Lord in Jesus
name Amen well when we first started to
this little series on moving on from
these verses in Acts chapter 20 that we
have read I began by reading you a quote
from a book by dr. Henry cloud called
necessary endings what to read that code
once again because it's so captures the
theme of moving on that we have been
talking about here's what he says
endings are not only part of life they
are a requirement for living and
thriving professionally and personally
being alive requires that we sometimes
kill off things in which we were once
invested uproot what we had previously
nurtured and tear down what we built for
a earlier time refraining giving up
throwing away tearing down hating what
we once cherished all our necessary
endings are the reason you are not
married to your prom date nor still
working in your first job but without
the ability to do endings well we
flounder stay stuck and fail to reach
our goals and dreams
or worse we remain in painful and
sometimes destructive situations endings
are crucial but we rarely like them and
I added and I'll do it again we rarely
do them well when we talked about this
some weeks ago I pointed out that in my
experience when it comes to making
changes in our relationships friendships
careers and jobs we often make them on
the fly and in moments of frustration we
have a falling out with their friends
and so we stop seeing each other
I'm not happy with my boss I'm not happy
with my work situation and so I started
looking for another job and as soon as I
can find a way out I serve notice and I
go to another place of employment we get
tension in our marriages we find we
start looking around for people who meet
our needs better than our spouse does
and before you know it we're into the
middle of an affair and life is taking
us in painful directions we're part of a
church community and somebody hurts my
feelings or things happen that I don't
like and so I just quit coming and
pretty soon I start drifting into other
places all without words of farewell all
without adieu exit strategy and the
result of course is that in all of these
situations other people are left holding
the bag they can't help but wonder did
we do something wrong did I cause that
person's departure and when that happens
enough times what happens is that hearts
get wounded and who wounded hearts begin
closing down and closed down hearts
cause further alienation and you get the
kind of chaos that we experienced as a
society or
more people are incapable of forming
deep and lasting relationships and the
question then that we've been
considering together is how can we do
that better is there a way of moving on
to the next phase of life and the next
phase of relationships and do that in a
redemptive in a god-glorifying way and
that's why we've been looking at this
story here at Acts chapter 20 because
it's a good case in point of Paul moving
on from where he has been the background
as I mentioned a moment or two ago he's
on his third missionary journey he's
been in Ephesus for some time and verse
one of this passage gives us a good
indication of how Paul brings closure to
the situation listen to it again
in verse one if we can get that up Paul
send for the disciples and after
encouraging them said goodbye and set
out for Macedonia I notice he's doing
four things here just very quickly leave
that verse up he sent for the disciples
he encouraged them he said goodbye and
then he set out for Macedonia as I
mentioned a moment or two ago he's on
his third missionary journey he stopped
it at Ephesus he resumes his missionary
journey and at the end of the paragraph
that we're dealing with he ends up in
Greece in Corinth and you may recall
that his original plan was to leave from
Corinth and make his way back to
Jerusalem which is where the Holy Spirit
was leading him but just before he left
he discovered that he Jews were still
hot on his tail so he retraced his steps
and at the end of this paragraph his
companions end up intro as and then from
troe as he takes the shuttle service if
you will all these little star
and he comes to a place called mojitos
and not only does he bid farewell to the
Christians in Ephesus in verse one of
this passage if you read the rest of the
chapter when he gets to malditos he
invites the elders to join him it's
quite a little trip and then he spends a
lot of time with them warning them and
instructing them because they're not
going to see him anymore and then the
chapter ends with these verses verse 37
and 38 they all wept as they embraced
him and kissed him and what grieved the
most was his statement that they would
never see his face again and then they
accompanied him to the ship see Paul
didn't just abandon his people he
brought closure to the relationship and
if you and I are to be god-glorifying in
our relationships and in our jobs if we
want to leave the past behind move
forward into new places and things that
sometimes we have to do then we have to
be prepared to bring good closure and so
the question that we want to try to
consider in the time that we have this
morning is how could we best do that and
I have three very quick practical
suggestions for each of us the first is
we need to identify the nature of our
relationships relationships are valuable
they are one of the most important parts
of life and part of moving forward is
that our relationships are going to be
impacted now as best as I can figure out
relationships broadly speaking can be
reduced to three specific categories let
me try to walk you through them the
first is friendship
Friendship dictionary definition a
person with whom you have a mutual bond
of affection or as somebody else put at
one time I really like this someone who
can tell you that you're being stupid
without making you feel stupid
friendship is equality friendship is
being there for each other
and as we've seen previously we can
identify at least four levels of
friendship each of which needs to be
clearly understood the first is
acquaintances casual friends close
friends and then intimate relationships
all of those are different don't need to
spend a lot of time on it an
acquaintance is somebody that you just
casually know maybe your mailman it may
be your neighbor down the street you
know each other's names maybe a little
bit about your jobs but that's about as
far as it goes a casual friend is
somebody that you have a closer
relationship with the person that you
sit next to in church or who is part of
your section probably could qualify as a
casual friend you know some things about
each other close friend those are the
people that you hang out with more
closely maybe invite them over
periodically to your house for a
barbecue or you know a game of board
game or a game of cards or whatever
activity that you do together and then
there is an intimate relationship and an
intimate relationship is where you can
be yourself truly you don't have to hide
things you can wear your heart on your
sleeve and you're going to be accepted
by them no matter who you are or what
you do and of course as I've pointed out
previously the idea of growing is that
you move from acquaintances to intimacy
but when you do so the circle of people
in your life diminishes you can only be
intimate with a much smaller group of
people then you can be with acquaintance
is so there are friendships we all have
friendships even the most unfriendly
person has at least an acquaintance or
two maybe even a a casual friend now the
second category that I think we need to
identify is what I would call
contractual you can take that slide down
a contractual relationship is a
relationship that is based on an
agreement between two parties to
accomplish a particular goal or purpose
a contract is typically time bound
it's typically focused on a specific
goal my factory has a contract with you
to supply you with X number of widgets
at a certain time I may enter into a
contract with you to build my house or
to build my deck or to take care of my
lawn I contract out to you certain jobs
that need doing you promise to do them a
contract is based on mutual
responsibilities it may be informal by
word only it may be you know duly
legalized by a lawyer but a contract
depends on fulfilling the requirements
of the contract and if one party or the
other fails to fulfill the contract then
often the contract will be broken it
will be declared null and void and there
may be penalties imposed in that process
it may or may not involve personal
relationships many business dealings
that we all do are in the form of
contract I will do this in return for
this I will pay you this much if you
will do this for me a third area of
relationship
is what I like to call coven int'l and a
covenant can be defined as an elected as
opposed to natural relationship of
obligation under oath let me say that
again a covenant is unelected as opposed
to natural relationship of obligation
under oath without going into a lot of
detail tends to have at least four
components it has a component of
election obligation solemnity and
relationship that is to say somebody
chooses to enter into covenant with me
out of that choosing there is an
exchange of obligations those
obligations are formalized in a solemn
fashion usually with an oath and they
establish the nature and the degree of
our relationship now the clearest
example in Scripture of covenant is
God's relationship with his people under
the Old Covenant he entered into a
relationship of law with the people of
Israel I will be your God and you will
do be my people I will do this for you
and you are required to do this in
response it was solemnized ed Mount
Sinai under the new covenant in Christ
God also promises to be our God and he
will be our people but it's a unilateral
agreement in the sense that he takes
upon himself our scene it is solemnized
in the sign of baptism and God will be
our God and we will be his people the
closest thing that we have two covenants
I think in human relationships is the
marriage covenant I will be faithful to
you and I will love you in good times
and in bad times until death do us part
membership in churches or membership
another organization
our coven ental in nature we invoke the
presence of God as we make promises to
each other a contract and a covenant are
different in the sense that a covenant
is far more solemn and may only be
broken under the most unusual of
circumstances because you have in fact
invoked the name of God in making the
promises that you have made to each
other now there may be more to
relationship than what I've just
summarized for you here but I think most
every relationship that you can think of
falls into one of those three categories
some people are your friends anywhere
from casual to intimate some people you
are in contractual relationship with I
will do this and you will do that and if
either of us doesn't do it we're done
and some relationships are covenant all
I will be to you faithful even though
this may now cost me Retta peace justice
best week by Matt Chandler he is a well
known evangelical pastor pastors a
church I think called village church and
he talks about the difference between
contract and covenant in the context of
his marriage to his wife he says when he
came down as he did some years ago with
with non-hodgkins lymphoma and wasn't
able to be there in any significant way
for his wife she just didn't bail on him
as if she was in contract with him in
marriage she stuck it out with him in
the good times and in event times
because you see they were in covenant
together covenant is solemn business and
anytime we talk about going forward in
life and anytime we don't want to leave
a mess behind us relationally that we
need to ask ourselves the question what
is the nature of the relationship that's
going
to be affected by my steps forward
that's where it begins because each of
these situations needs to be handled
differently of course leaving a casual
friendship versus an intimate friendship
is an entirely different matter breaking
a contract versus breaking a covenant is
a world of a difference so we need to
know what those differences are so that
we don't inadvertently do damage in ways
that we can avoid second thing then is
we need to determined what love demands
we need to determine what love looks
like in the context of this relationship
if the greatest commandment is to love
the Lord my God with all of my heart
soul strength in mind then what's the
second commandment love your neighbor as
yourself so what are the best ways to
determine what does love to me and in
this situation is to apply the golden
rule what's the golden rule love your
neighbor as you love your self we can do
better than this let's say together love
your neighbor as you love yourself so
whenever you're in a situation where
moving forward is going to impact
somebody that you're leaving behind then
ask yourself the question how would I
want to be treated in that situation how
would I want to be treated when I'm the
one who's being left behind
well three very quick suggestions number
one you're going to want to find the
reason why you're being left behind or
the other person is moving on think back
to the earlier messages that we did in
this particular passage and we saw there
were three reasons Paul
on from Ephesus do you remember that of
course y'all remember that because
you're good listeners and you have good
memories number one he was led by the
Holy Spirit he had to get back to
Jerusalem because God had other plans
for him
prison plans not very nice plans but
other plans secondly he left because his
work was done he established the church
and number three why did he leave it got
too hot for him to stay now all of those
situations or any of them can be
applicable in a situation when somebody
else has got to move on but it makes a
world of a difference to you those being
left behind what the reason is if
somebody moves on from you because God
is calling them to move on that's very
different than that he is moving on
because he can't stand your guts and he
never once see you again and you might
just want to know the difference not
true so you've got to have a
conversation why are you leaving and
that would be the next step in this then
and that is to engage their reason for
moving on and this is incredibly tough
because most of us would just like to
live in la-la land and be and avoid
confrontations and the things that are
difficult and just hope that somehow or
another or another everything lands on
it's not true Canadians are nice people
how many times haven't you heard that
this weekend there may be other people
who are in your face maybe the Dutch a
little bit but by the time we're
Canadian eyes we're nice and we don't
want to hurt other people's feelings but
sometimes when you don't say anything
you hurt other people's feelings more so
we have to engage why are you doing what
you were Union and so if the person says
well I feel led by the Lord now let's
talk about that is it really the Lord
who's talking to you in this situation
as well he might be or are you
spiritualizing a reason to get out of
this relationship because you can't
handle the heat in the kitchen that's an
entirely different picture and maybe if
there is heat in the pig in the in the
kitchen you want to stay and learn to
fight through that and not be spiritual
and say well the Lord told me I can't be
your friend anymore now maybe the Lord
did tell you but let's make sure it was
the Lord and not your unresolved issues
in your own life and if the verson says
it's time for me to move on from this
job to another job or from this
relationship to another relationship
because I've gone as far you know my
work is complete let's talk about that
is the sealing that you were reaching
remember we talked about this before is
the feeling that you were reaching in
your life a god imposed sealing have you
filled your space and is it time for you
to find other space where you can
prosper better or grow more let's talk
about that or are you coming up against
a ceiling in your life because there's
stuff in you that the Lord is trying to
flush out places of brokenness or
wounding but you need to deal with where
you need to learn to persevere and push
through so that you can bear more fruit
in the kingdom let's talk about that
let's talk about that and if you're
bailing or moving because the ops the
opposition has become too great and the
fire and the heat in the kitchen is too
strong
what's the Lord telling you in that
situation is he telling you yes
the door is closed hear it
no sense of being here against the wall
because nothing is ever going to change
these people your boss is never going to
be different the culture is never going
to be different you're just going to get
yourself killed so get out of there is
that what the Lord saying or is the Lord
saying to you you know you need to look
at yourself a little video first of all
are you contributing to this tension in
the workplace or to this tension in
their relationship are there things the
Lord is flushing out in you that you
need to do differently but you need to
deal with or is the Lord calling you to
learn how to persevere and overcome
knowing that in the Lord there will be
victory we need to have those kind of
conversations and obviously the more
intimate our relationship versus the
more casual the more serious is that
kind of conversation if you're just my
casual acquaintance you know there's
only so much that I can do where I can
say because I don't have control over
your life you don't have it over my life
and and that's all all good and well but
we're intimate friends if we've been in
business for a long time together and
and weird knit together and if we're in
covenant relationship and and and we
have committed ourselves to walking this
out don't just tear it up don't just
walk away from it don't just pretend
nothing is the matter engage and try to
find out if this situation can be
redeemed or not can't always be redeemed
there are times to move on there are
times to walk away not every employee
that worked for you yesterday can work
for you tomorrow if your company is
changing everybody reaches their
ceilings and that's okay that's good
that's natural but let's talk about it
so that we don't have misunderstanding
and to the degree that it depends upon
us a situation can be resolved because
sometimes it can be
sometimes it's opportunity for
correction
sometimes it's opportunity for change
sometimes it's opportunity to learn
things together
sometimes it's opportunity to move
forward in ways that are mutually
redemptive you would think any of this
makes sense
in terms of where you find yourself in
life or all a difference you know
different stages so love demands that I
find a reason why that person wants to
move on
what have an honest conversation about
that reason and then having discovered
that it's time to move on ever the less
we need to bring appropriate closure an
appropriate closure looks different in
each of these categories that we're
talking about in friendship areas it
means determining what this relationship
is going to look like going forward
maybe we can stay friends and we will
see each other
periodically my wife and I still have
very close friends in each of the
earlier congregations that we festered
we go back to the area where they live
it is like picking up the relationship
like there are no years in between it's
a phenomenal thing there are other
people that we have no relationship with
and probably no interest in having a
relationship with because our lives are
gone in very different directions so in
terms of friendship you have to decide
what does going forward look like do we
drop our friendship altogether do we
stay in touch does the door need to be
closed what does that look like there's
a business relationships are we done are
you fired will I tell you that
I no longer need your services because
this that or the other thing and in
covenant let me let me be very blunt
about covenantal relationships because
covenant elation ships are different to
some degree because they are a mutual
obligation under the face of God and
just to use church membership as an
example because it's a good way of sort
of addressing that issue when you become
a member of a church you publicly pledge
your membership you publicly declare
that you're submitting yourself to the
leadership of the church into the
authority of God through the church and
you are prepared as God gives you grace
to let yourself be discipled and to move
for it's a covenant old relationship
just like a marriage is that makes sense
you don't just unilaterally walk away
from a covenant over relationship you
need permission to be released do you
hear me you need permission to be
released when Mark came to us a while
back and said you know I feel the Lord
is calling me to the village of Hope in
New Brunswick and he was not only
uncounseled but he was chair of council
he couldn't just come to us and say
unilaterally I'm out of here take care
of your own problems I've had enough of
it now he had to come to Council and he
had to say this is what I believe the
Lord is calling me to do will you
support it not only but will you release
me from my obligations to this community
and council sat around the table and
they said yes
we believe this is a call of the Lord we
support you in it and we release you
years ago when bill Darice came to us
and said I believe the Lord is calling
me to go to grace chapel in sterling to
help them
in their worship we sat down and we
talked about it together and we said yes
we believe that is the Lord's call and
we bless you that is the way to leave a
church community unfortunately what
happens most of the time is people don't
have the courtesy to do that whatsoever
they just disappear and they leave
everybody else wondering are they gone
are they not gone where are they and why
are they not here that is destructive
and it is hurtful and the similar
fashion if you're volunteering for a
ministry in church that ministry depends
on you and so if you cannot make it or
if your life situation has changed don't
just disappear and let people wonder
what in the world happened till you
asked to be released live out your
commitment you see how important that is
because you see you may think you don't
matter but the place that you're feeling
is like a cog in a much bigger machine
and when you're not doing your job
the rest of the machine grinds to a halt
somebody else has to step in there and
do your job and that is not loving your
neighbor now we all have emergencies and
we all have situations that we have no
control over we're talking about a
regular way of life covenant aliy
covenant is serious business you don't
just walk out of it you need to be
released for the glory of God are you
you know one of the differences between
I'm going to Pat the older generation on
the back here and your younger ones you
could listen to this learn a generation
raised in the 30s and 40s grew up with
loyalty to institution and took covenant
faithfulness extremely seriously
and if you've ever tried to throw a
party for the younger generation you
will know the frustration in terms of
getting a commitment out of people
because nobody wants to sign up until
the very last minute why because one of
their friends may come up with a better
idea and if I commit myself to you then
my options are limited well guess what
coven ental obligations are serious
business grow up grow up and recognize
that other people depend on you and that
love demands proper closure all right
one more point that I'm done in you go
eat soup here's an important thing to
keep in mind and this is what it is
closure brings new opportunities closure
brings new opportunities one of my
favorite cartoons in the newspaper these
days is a cartoon called retail any of
you familiar with it retail is the story
of four people who work in a department
store and in a recent series of strips
Marla who is the manager of the store
has just lost her assistant manager
which wasn't much of a loss anyway
because he was a bit of a jerk but she's
in the process of hiring a new one and
so she is going through old resumes
going back to people that she had
previously interviewed and here's how
this story goes I don't know if you can
read that but I'll read it for you
Marla speaking she says hello may I
speak with Carlos hi Carlos this is
Marla a garrison from grumbles I
interviewed you for a management
position about a year ago
oh you found employment elsewhere
I see Google Wow that sounds like a
great opportunity and then here's the
closing caption I've never had anyone
thank me for not hiring them before but
you're welcome I guess loved it because
as the saying goes if God closes one
door what's the rest he often will open
and other you all know the story of
Colonel Sanders and Kentucky Fried
Chicken now in the 30s in North Corbin
Kentucky he had a very successful
restaurant developed his KFC recipe and
was doing really well until the mid
1950s when Interstate 75 bypassed his
little community and his business went
down the tudors he could have thrown in
his hack and despair but he had already
begun to franchise the secret 11 herbs
recipe which is carefully guarded in
somebody's vault by the way still to
this day even though people think they
have it figured out
he says the heaven tour he said they
haven't and out of that then came what
is now known as the KFC chain of
restaurants worldwide the first one to
go into China when China opened up to
Western establishments would it never
happened if the door had not closed in
the late 1800s cotton was king in the
American South then came the cotton
what's it called the cotton weevil the
Mexican boll weevil crossed over from
Texas into the American South killed off
the cotton people when broke left and
right front and centered until one
enterprising
armorer discovered why did i try growing
peanuts and peanuts revived the
agricultural industry it diversified and
the American South was able to get
beyond they would have never gotten
beyond cotton if the boll weevil hadn't
destroyed their harvest and the same
thing is true here to bring it to a
conclusion in Acts chapter 20 what would
happen if the Apostle Paul had said to
the Holy Spirit you know I like it here
in Ephesus there's such a nice folks and
and such great things are happening I
want to retire here
or if he had said well you know we're
we're yeah my work is looking pretty
good and you're really blessing it but
you know there's always more to be done
I mean this church can grow into a
pretty significant major church and what
if he had said well you know the
opposition will die down and I'm just
going to stay here because I like it
here he would have never gotten back to
Jerusalem he would have never gotten to
Rome he would have never been in prison
for X numbers of years and who remembers
what he did while he was in prison he
wrote four of the major epistles that we
have in the New Testament Ephesians
Philippians Colossians and Philemon God
closes one door he will open up another
but it takes faith and faith means
believing that God loves me that I'm in
Christ that my life matters to him but
I'm his workmanship he has good works
prepared for me from before the
foundation of the world and he will
empower me to do it as I step out in
faith so as one author said when God
closes the door don't keep pounding on
it
don't try to keep on yanking on that
don't keep trying to revisit it for the
rest of your life I know people for whom
God has closed the door
so it's been 20 or 30 years complaining
to the rest of the world how wrongly
they were treated by whoever closed the
door on them you know that let it go
indeed and trust that if you're faithful
to God in what he's trying to accomplish
in your life the closed door will lead
to a new door and you will have new
opportunities that you've never dreamed
of because God is an incredibly creative
God who calls us to move on in Christ to
the fullness of our destinies and all
God's people agreed and said amen and
father we acknowledge that it's often
only afterwards that we can see your
leading hand and when we're in the
middle of a situation terror overtakes
us we wonder where you are and we get
angry and we complain about the friends
that have dropped off son the bosses
that have fired us and the relationships
that have betrayed us and we burn
bridges and we sometimes spend years and
anguish and frustration and all of that
Lord is understandable but help us to
move beyond that help us to know that
man proposes but God disposes and that
indeed if you do closed one door and
we've walked through that whole process
in the way that we just been describing
it when the time is right you'll open
the next door and you will enable us to
flourish in your kingdom because you
only proven so that we can bear more
friend so thank you Lord for this time
together a little bit we're going to go
out and have a meal and in preparation
for that Lord we thank you for it we
thank you for the people that have
prepared it we invite you to bless it
and to bless our fellowship
and our time together thank you for
being a good good father and thank you
that your leader lives and may we each
have a heart that says if you go if you
call me to go I will go because I want
to be faithful to my god and to my Jesus
in the power of the Holy Spirit we pray
you