Handling Our Sexuality

SERMON: 2007-04-01--sm0719--handling-our-sexuality SOURCE DURATION: 00:42:55.000 PROPOSED CUTS: 1 CONFIDENCE: 0.80 APPROVED: false REASON: The recording begins with the speaker setting up a personal narrative (Sermon Exposition). The material concludes with an extended musical interlude which marks the end of the recorded sermon segment. Acoustic segmentation found sustained music at the end edge and moved the boundary to the adjacent transcript segment. ACOUSTIC EVIDENCE: available ACOUSTIC MUSIC INTERVALS: 00:39:27.520-00:42:54.160 ACOUSTIC SPEECH OVERLAP: yes ACOUSTIC BOUNDARIES APPLIED: end Inline CUT markers identify each proposed audio boundary after the relevant word. --- ORIGINAL TRANSCRIPT WITH PROPOSED CUTS MARKED --- gonna start this morning by showing you another little video clip it runs about seven minutes it is called making it real take a look at this Nicole what I'm trying to say yes don't sorry Nicole I always thought I wanted to wait to have sex until I was married but until I met you it was easy to wait because I guess I've never really been in love before but now waiting it's not just some idea it's real because I know I felt the same way I guess I'm trying to say is the other night in the treehouse it was amazing it was incredible it was really nice but maybe so I wanted you to and and if you had tried I probably would have let you but I'm glad we didn't you are yeah so I scared myself I wasn't thinking about what we were doing or anything all all I knew is that I wanted more well I wasn't exactly analyzing the situation either when I was 12 my dad took me on my first date okay I got dressed up in my best dress and I wore some of my mother's jewelry even got to put on a little bit of makeup and my dad took me to the nicest restaurant in the city and he let me order whatever I wanted to off the menu it was a good time we laughed a lot we talked a lot my dad told me that the man who treated me with respect and dignity would win my heart and he gave me this necklace as a symbol of the commitment between him me and God that I wouldn't have sex until I was married since the tree house I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think I finally understand what my father meant he was trying to say that them my love for someone my physical love should be worth something dad that I am somebody's future wife and what a gift it would be to share that experience for the first time together so what do you think I think your future husband better be quite a guy oh so now what do we do you mean don't do don't you right what you said well I think we're just gonna have to be a lot more careful be more careful yeah how do we do that I just think there are some things that we shouldn't do together anymore oh you mean like homework and yeah because algebra really gets me go oh yeah and all those numbers made me start thinking about your numbers what we can't touch anymore I didn't say that I didn't say that I just I think we should at least agree to keep our clothes on well yeah I guess that actually helped me out a lot you know up in that tree house I didn't plan for things to get so out of hand just everything kind of took its course and I'm I'm thinking there must be some way we can stop that from happening next time I mean I like being romantic and all Phil if we don't want this to happen again we need to avoid certain situations where they're more likely to happen like well like if my parents are out of town for the weekend I probably won't be having you over for roast beef oh I love I guess that makes sense to that okay so we keep our clothes on and a little more careful about the time we spend together you know a part of me really doesn't want to be doing this I know but at the same time yeah so I guess if we're gonna be doing this I need to make one more rule for myself okay more showers more showers cold showers oh yeah does that actually work you know I don't know I haven't you know I haven't had to really use it until now but uh I'll let you know okay so guys take cold showers what do you girls do the same thing no no no no no no we do something much much more effective oh yeah and what's that we fantasize about what about you know what I don't believe this I can't all I have to do is imagine you with yellow teeth and bad breath and body odor and man I'm completely cool down all right I wonder if it's the same with guys as is with girls okay let me think um Nicole with yellow teeth bad breath and body odor nope sorry doesn't do it for me oh guys are so gross oh we are oh yeah I show you that clip this morning for two reasons number one because it illustrates I think the power of sexual temptation and number two it illustrates the need for concrete action steps if we are going to resist the power of that temptation now that having been said I don't know about you but I don't think those two kids are going to last very long if you consider they're romping around I think you know part of the difficulty with sexual temptation is that it's very difficult to go back to a previous state of a relationship if you're used to having sex together it's hard to go back to just kissing if you're used to kissing it's very hard to go back to holding hands well what it does illustrate all the more for that reason is the drastic action that we need to take if we are going to remain sexually pure in the face of incredible temptation and drastic action steps is what Jesus counsels us here in Matthew chapter 5 as he continues to expand on his understanding of the seventh commandment you shall not commit adultery listen again to how he puts it if your right eye causes you to sin gouge it out and throw it away it's better for you to lose one part of your body then for your whole body to be thrown into hell and if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off and throw it away it is better for you to lose one part of your body then for your whole body to go into hell and as we take some time this morning to look at those couple of verses a little more closely I want us to make three observations observation number one unchecked sexual desire can be highly destructive unchecked sexual desire can be highly destructive listen again to the words of Jesus in verses 29 and verse 30 he repeats it it's better for you to lose one part of your body then for your whole body to go into hell sexual sin sexual desire has the ability to destroy our lives not only in the here and now but for all eternity think of all the young women whose lives are forever altered because of an unwanted pregnancy think of all the young men who have fathered children out of wedlock who have no ability or intention to look after those children think of all the families that have been hurt the lies that have been broken the hearts that have been shattered because somebody couldn't keep his pants on and somebody violated the marriage covenant I remember a number of years ago I was on an airplane and there was a young lad on that plane I would guess he was probably eight or nine clearly a child who was being shuttled back and forth between parents that were either separated or divorced and I have never in my life heard or seen a young boy of that age wailed the way that he wailed obviously torn apart because he had to leave one parent and go back to the other and I remember sitting in that plane couple of rows removed from him I think maybe one or two across the aisle saying to myself Lord God come the day of judgment somebody is going to be held accountable because of the pain they have caused in this child's life add all the HIV cases that exist in the world and all the sexually transmitted diseases and you begin to get some picture of what happens when the fire of sexual desire is not limited to the fireplace but is spread out everywhere and burns down the house and that's only talking about the here and now that's not even talking about the future because the Bible says sexual sin particularly as is true for all other sins but sexual sin particularly brings forth the judgment of God don't let anybody deceive you says the Apostle Paul with empty words for because of such things God's wrath comes on all those who are disobedient and elsewhere the Apostle Paul says those who do such things referring among other things to sexual sins those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God here's the question then what is it about sexual desire and sexual sin that gives it such unprecedented power that scripture warns us as strongly as it does well I think the reason is that our sexuality encompasses the sum total of who we are it engages us first of all physically that is to say we have physical desires that are sexual in nature probably safe to say that next to hunger and thirst our desire for sexual expression is one of the strongest desires that we have in our bodies and God's made us that way and he's made us that way so that the human race will procreate and reproduce I mean if there were no strong sexual desire considering the challenges of the sexes getting along with each other otherwise the human race would die out real fast don't you think so it's probably good that that attraction is there down just a little bit on the sound George if you please and so God gives us that desire and it's a wonderful thing but it's a double-edged sword because it can easily be turned against us and can lead to huge destruction it not only engages us physically but it also engages us emotionally sex isn't just two bodies coming together it is also two souls being reunited in the creation story of Adam and Eve God creates Adam Eve is created out of Adams body presented back to him and the Bible says that that's the drawing force that brings men and women back into mutual attraction there is something inside us that is looking for soul completion a soul mate with whom we can share our hearts with whom we can share our feelings with whom we can share our desires and so that longing that longing for completion is part of what drives the sexual revolution how many people aren't there who throw their values out the window simply because they want to be seen they want to be heard and they want to be understood and then of course there's also the spiritual component the sex drive engages us not only physically and emotionally but it also makes us one in spirit and whenever we become one in spirit the spiritual powers of the universe are keenly interested in and involved in our lives and so the spiritual hosts of wickedness are constantly at work trying to get us bonded spiritually to something and somebody other than God so you're on all of these powers together the physical the emotional and the spiritual and you can see that unless it is controlled by the power of God's Holy Spirit it spreads like wildfire and it can lead to the destruction not only of individuals and families in fact if you study history it can lead to the destruction and the decline of whole civilizations let the fire get out of the fireplace and its tendency will be to consume the whole house because you cannot control it any longer so unchecked sexual desire can be highly destructive and because it can be highly destructive it requires drastic action on all our parts to control it notice again how Jesus puts it verse 29 if your right eye causes you to sin gouge it out and throw it away and if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off and throw it away now that's incredibly strong language because in biblical culture your right eye and your right hand were the most important parts of your body without your right eye you could not if you are right-handed shoot an arrow without your right hand if you are right-handed you can draw a sword or otherwise engage the enemy and so in biblical thought protecting your right eye and protecting your right hand are high values and along comes Jesus and he says listen when it comes to sexual temptation whatever part of you that contributes to that even if it is your right eye or your right hand he says you don't fool around with it you cut it off in other words whatever it is that stands in the way of righteous Christian leaving in the area of our sexuality he says you've got to take drastic measures you got to cut it out because it is better to go through life with your right eye missing and your right hand missing then for your whole life to be destroyed by the power of sin now very specifically then and practically speaking it means this first of all we are to keep a tight lid on our sexual desires Paul puts it this way he says let each of us behave decently as in the daytime not in orgies and drunkenness not in sexual immorality and debauchery not in dissension and jealousy rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature the desires of the sinful nature there are our human desires including the desire for sexuality and outside of and apart from Christ our tendency is to be led by our physical desires we cater to them we encourage them we feed them always thinking that we can keep them under control and the Bible says that once we've come to Christ we recognize that we are no longer to be led by our desires but we are to be led by the Holy Spirit and so we are to put on the Lord Jesus and not make provision for the desires of the flesh practically speaking then what that means is that when our flesh stirs up and we are inclined to look places where we ought not to look we are inclined to let our eyes wander in places where they ought not to wander and to think thoughts which are contrary to what scripture says we don't sit there and play around with it hoping how much it is that we can get away with we nip it in the bud by the power of Jesus because natural in good though our sexual desires are like all our other passions they need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit self-control is the fruit of the Holy Spirit and not only must we exercise that kind of self control outside of marriage it also needs to be exercised inside marriage because you see the whole purpose of marriage is to give of yourself for the blessing of your spouse and there is a huge difference between having sex and making love and one of the tragedies of this day and age and one of the consequences I think of the prevalence of pornography is that marriage for some people becomes the expression of lust rather than love and because people see images and they see practices that they had never thought of or never approved of there are people men in particular but some women too who bring these into relationship and what they do is they push the boundaries of propriety in terms of their partner's life and before you know it people are defiled and wounded in their spirit because they haven't been ministered to they have been taken from and to take from your partner in marriage is just as bad before God has to be on the prowl outside of marriage and see how much seducing you can do we need to keep a tight lid on our sexual desires and we need to avoid provocative material and provocative places here's how scripture puts it Jesus says temptation to sin is sure to come but woe to him by whom they come it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea then that he should cause one of these little ones to sin take heed to yourselves never before in the history of the human race have we had such ready access to sexual imagery and sexual power I mean it used to be that if you wanted to satisfy your curiosity you had to go spy out a naked woman or a naked man someplace or you had to put your trench coat on and go to the local triple X rated theater and hope nobody saw you that was enough to shame most people but now we've got the internet we've got cable television we've got video on demand and what used to one day be out there we now are able to pipe into our homes and unusually strong you have to be to be able to resist the temptation to satisfy your curiosity and find out what is really happening you know that the greatest users of pornography in today's society are 12 to 17 year olds but it's not limited to them there are over 400 million web pages dedicated to porn today most of them accessible by a single click the average age at which kids get into pornography these days is 11 years of age and nine out of ten kids who surf the web have run into pornography often unwanted or unsolicited because they've clicked on some link and the days are long past when you can trust the government to protect you and frankly the days are long past when you can even expect your parents to protect you and so if we want to remain sexually pure in a day and age where all this stuff is coming at us in the privacy of our hearts and homes it means that we have to establish pretty clear boundaries in our own lives and we have to get rid of everything and anything that's going to pull us away from serving the Lord Jesus that means avoiding images that stir up things that cannot be legitimately satisfied it means if need be we get rid of our cable television or our internet connection or anything else that feeds our pleasure and that ties into our addiction and that's particularly true if we don't know how else to control that you know somebody says well I can't do that I would die without my internet connection or I would die without my cable television well how do you think it feels to have your eye gouged out or your right hand cut off and Jesus says if you value your soul and if you value your spiritual walk with God then whatever it is in your life that gets in the way of being fully devoted to Jesus get rid of it and get rid of it now so a number of years ago in our house we decided we'd get rid of cable television and that was before channel 40 was part of the basic tier that you can buy into and those of you that watch that channel will know what I'm talking about television without borders and it's piped into our hearts and most of us you see here's the deception of it we say to ourselves I can handle this I know where I can draw the limits but you know the nature of temptation is that by the time you wake up to its deception you're dead it's like the frog on the stove you turn the temperature up gradually his body is heating up doesn't know what is happening and before he realizes it he fries to death because his senses have been dulled and I want to tell you something our senses have been dulled even as Christians how many of us are even remotely exercised by what we see experience or feel compared to 10 years ago or 15 years ago or 20 years ago tell me am I being too hard on us or am I telling you the truth and it's as true for me as it is for you or anybody folks unless your fire has gone out and that can happen but unless your fire has gone out it takes drastic action to limit it to the fireplace and to not let it burn down the whole house don't let anybody fool you says scripture it is because of these things the judgment of God comes upon the human race so we need to keep a tight lid on our sexual desires we need to avoid provocative material and the places that stir it up and then we need to cut off ruthlessly all illicit relationships that includes first of all all sexual relationships outside of a marriage commitment scripture is categorical on this even though our day and age smiles at it and wants to throw it away the book of Hebrews 13 for marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral now one of the very interesting things in today's society among a lot of our teens is the notion that oral sex is not sex and what it does is it enables people to preserve their sense of I am pure and have not engaged in sexual relations not understanding that it like everything else falls under the biblical category of being sexually immoral sexuality is a wonderful gift it is so wonderful that God wants it to exist within the safety of a marriage relationship and only a marriage relationship because outside of that we do damage not only to ourselves but we do damage to others and I want to tell you something I have heard countless confessions in the years of my ministry where any number of people have crossed lines and violated biblical norms and I yet have to meet somebody who said you know I'm glad I broke the commandment because it made a better man or a better woman out of me we can see in but we cannot avoid the regret and we cannot avoid the shame human sexuality is an incredibly complicated thing and human sexual relationships are a finely tuned instrument that can only prosper under the safety of God's provision it also means that we cut off emotional attachments that are inappropriate no one to be very careful here because there are emotional attachments that are good and healthy there are kid places in our lives where we are awakened by a father or a mother type figure that are good and healthy and proper and that are necessary for us to come to life and that are safe and secure that's not what I'm talking about but I'm talking about those adult places where my spouse doesn't understand me or where my spouse irritates me or my spouse is just hard to get along with and so I begin confiding in my co-worker I begin confiding in most cases a member of the opposite sex sometimes in this day and age person of the same sex and I develop emotional confidential relationships that begin to take the place of my primary relationship at home now listen to me real careful because we live in a day and age where opposite genders are constantly being thrown together at work at church out in the world I mean used to be the men would sit in church over here the women would sit in church over there that's really going back a ways used to be you know a man's job was over here and a woman's job was over here now we have male and female police officers cruising around in the same car we have men and women firefighting together and and most of us work in situations where we are constantly rubbing shoulders with members of the opposite sex that's not all bad and you can't just you know lay down the law and say well I'm not going to interact with any member of the opposite sex and and become rigid and law bound in this it is good and healthy in many instances to have friendships that go across gender lines but how do you know when you're crossing a line well here's the key if you are beginning to confide things to your friend that you cannot confide to your spouse or if you find yourself in a situation where there are things about a relationship that you have with somebody else that you have to hide from your spouse then even as a Christian be very careful because if you haven't already crossed the line you're very close to crossing it I've never met anybody who set out wanting to commit adultery and break their marriage vows but I've met a lot of people who weren't careful and whose hearts became enmeshed whose sail was set to catch the wind and then all it took was for powerful feelings to emerge and strong feelings to kick in particularly in those places where we don't feel loved where we don't feel understood where where we want more than what we're getting and before you know it the mightiest ship goes under in the storm because the power of sexuality can make you do things that you'd swore you never would do I mean if I think back over the years the people that have made vows to chastity the people that have said this will never happen to me and then to watch them go down when the strong winds hit I can tell you the truth of scripture when it says that anybody who thinks that he stand be careful lest he fall we all need God's grace and we need to be ruthless in identifying those places of our lives where our hearts in wrong ways belong to wrong people and we need to cut them off and yes that hurts but so does gouging out your eye and so does cutting off your right hand and Jesus says is better to go through life missing those parts of your life than to be headed to temporary temporal and eternal destruction so unchecked sexual desire can be highly destructive it requires drastic action to control it and the third observation I want to make is that we need to learn to concentrate on the positive what is the best way to keep weeds from growing in your lawn well it's to grow a good crop of grass what's the best way to control our sexuality and their sexual desires well it's to concentrate positively on those things in life that God is calling us to and practically that means this it means first of all that we are to focus on our purpose in life think back with me for a minute to King David and the illicit relationship the adulterous affair that he had with Bathsheba how did he get into trouble well he didn't have enough to do it was the time of spring when Kings go to war but he had sent Joab and Uriah to go fight the battles and he was at home wandering around on the roof of his palace not knowing what to do that's what he spied Bathsheba and that's what started that whole sordid episode and I'm willing to bet this morning that if you look at your life even as I look at my life when are the times where we are most prone to temptation when we don't have enough to do when we're bored when we have no focus in life particularly when feelings of emptiness inadequacy confusion overcome us isn't it true it's in moments like that especially when we're looking for comfort that our minds begin to wander we know the websites to go to we know the videos to watch we might know the bed to hop into because somehow or another we're trying to fill up on the inside what is empty and broken now when that happens as it does to all of us periodically we need to find out where that brokenness is coming from we need to get the healing that we need to feel that place because I tell you you can make as many vows as you want as any addict does but without healing in that place the hunger will come back again and again and again and you'll end up plunging into places and things that you cannot believe that you could ever fall into and nobody is immune we need to focus on our purpose in life and we ought to make ourselves accountable now one of the most interesting websites in this regard is a website called triple X church dot-com it gets eighty four eighty five thousand hits a month because everybody thinks it's a Christian porn site and everybody's trying to figure out how do these two things go together so they go and check it out well triple X church dot-com is in fact a website that is run by people who feel they have a calling to the port industry and to those who suffer from sexual addiction as a matter of fact what this team does is they go to most of the significant porn conventions in North America and I think that would take putting on the armor of God a little bit wouldn't you but they go there to hand out Bibles and they'll hand out 2,000 3,000 Bibles at one of [PROPOSED CUT 1 START at 00:39:27.520; remove through 00:42:55.000] these conventions and they engage the men and the women who are part [CUT] of the industry in conversation and you can read their website and the testimonials of people's whose lives have been changed but one of the software packages that they're really pushing is a software package calls x3 watch and it's an accountability software package it keeps track of all the sites you visit and then it emails your accountability partner with where you've been and that helps curb the desire to go places where you ought not to go now understand that nobody can stop you from going where you want to go or fooling any system that you try to put in place I mean the human heart's ability to deceive even itself is just incredible but if you're the kind of person who really struggles with that issue and wants to be clear and righteous and holy before God that's certainly one way to learn to place yourself in an accountability situation better yet surround yourself with brothers and sisters in Christ with whom you can share your struggles with whom you can share your joys with whom you can pray about the issues that bind our hearts see the thing with any kind of addiction but particularly sexual addiction is that it fills us with shame and whatever fills us with shame makes things go underground because it is underground where it gains its power and what God wants to do in the church is to create a sense of hey listen we're in this thing together where men and women boys and girls we are sexual human beings nobody can say that he's never been tempted if not in that area then some other area and part of knowing the forgiveness of Jesus part of knowing the resurrection power of Jesus is knowing that there is no sin too big there is no shame too deep but when it comes to the light we can give it to Jesus and we can receive restoration and we can receive healing short of that the chances of victory in these areas are next to nil the whole self-help movement AA and all the you know anonymous types of groups that have come into being have illustrated very clearly and very powerfully that it's only in confession only in bringing things out in the light that God's power can move and we can receive restoration and healing we need to focus on our purpose in life we need to make ourselves accountable and then of course we need to cultivate healthy relationships and cultivating healthy relationships means that if you're married you work at your marriage you try to address those issues that drive you apart you engage each other in places where it's easier to [CUT] leave matters unsaid because that will just [PROPOSED CUT 1 END at 00:42:55.000; resume after this marked segment] drive you into opposite corners so many relationships start out with great passion they start out with great intimacy but then they run into obstacles places that cannot yield that will not yield and they settle for a peaceful coexistence and that's exactly what sets people up for affairs and I've had opportunity to be involved in many Christian people that have broken marriage vows over the years and it's not a pretty picture cultivate your relationship talk to each other try to work things through if you can't get the help you need to do it there is nothing like a satisfying intimacy there is nothing like a close sexual relationship to keep temptation at bay and if you're contributing to the breakdown of that in a relationship then you take responsibility for it and get the help that you need I was intrigued by the feedback after the nine o'clock service one of the men came up to me and he said you know why I don't think that young couple is going to last very long in terms of the boundaries that they're trying to establish he said the young man is way too passive and the girl is trying to set all the limits and I said to him you know I think you're right and that's part of our generation isn't it the women are the ones who on counseling the women are the ones who want to make the family work and the men they so often say well you know I don't want to be bothered because well men don't share their feelings they don't open up their hearts if you're a godly man and you want to follow the Lord Jesus Christ and you want to exercise spiritual headship in your house then you take the responsibility and don't make your wife pay all the bills for the relationship that is not working it's your job do it do you hear me thank you and if you're not married if you're not married then concentrate first of all on being the kind of man or woman that God is calling you to be there is a lie that makes its round in all of the world that says somehow or another if I'm not married I'm incomplete and there are people who spend an enormous amount of time and energy desperately trying to you know to cling on to somebody who will please love me and who will make me feel worthy well I'll tell you somebody something some of the loneliest people that I've ever met are people who have been in a bad marriage and you're a lot better off being alone with God and walking righteously before him than latched into some relationship that hasn't been meant for you and that isn't going to bless you so instead of scurrying around like crazy trying to get your life from some guy or from some girl why not concentrate on being who God is calling you to be why not develop your character in such a way that you've got something to offer our relationship so often I've seen this with both guys and girls they are so anxious to want what the other person has they don't bother to ask themselves the question why do I have that anybody else would want why in the world would anybody want to be in love with me and why would anybody want to be married to me those are sobering questions but if we concentrate on walking before God in those places and know that our lives and our futures are in his hands then we can trust that if marriage is part of his call on our lives when the time is right it will happen and there are so many of us here who can testify to the fact that when we lay it all down and we gave up that anxious searching in all the wrong ways in all the wrong places God in the fullness of time he brings the right person into our lives it clicks and you avoid an incredible amount of pain and destruction because you have begotten so many Ishmaels instead of waiting for God's Isaac and what if God doesn't want you to be married that's a hard one to lay in the altar but you know there is a gift of celibacy and if God doesn't want you to get married he will give you the grace to find his will in that and to know that even as a single person there are great things that you can do for God and God will give you the grace to meet those needs in other and legitimate ways the Apostle Paul he was single Jesus was single many other people in the history of Scripture were single you're not defective because you're single it might just be the calling on your life and if it is the calling on your life then lay it down and if God wants you to pick it up he'll enable you to pick it up and in that way both single and married in the body of Christ can model for the world what is healthy sexuality in a day and age when people's minds are messed up and they experience the pain of broken relationships that are beyond description what is needed so much is men and women both married single widowed and divorced who can in the midst of the reality of life's needs and pressures and urges know that we can walk with God in the context of Christian community and we can walk before him in integrity observing not only the letter but the spirit of the seventh commandment so that by looking at us in some small way the world can be drawn to the beauty of sexuality that is ordered in ways that honor God , Lord. 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