Holding on to Faith

SERMON: 2013-01-13--lk2213--holding-on-to-faith SOURCE DURATION: 00:40:08.000 PROPOSED CUTS: 2 CONFIDENCE: 1.00 APPROVED: false REASON: Candidate 0 is the last segment of spoken sermon material (pastoral application) before the continuous sequence of hymn singing begins with Candidate 1. Acoustic segmentation found sustained music at the start and end edge and moved the boundary to the adjacent transcript segment. ACOUSTIC EVIDENCE: available ACOUSTIC MUSIC INTERVALS: 00:08:54.160-00:08:57.240, 00:35:27.360-00:39:58.040 ACOUSTIC SPEECH OVERLAP: yes ACOUSTIC BOUNDARIES APPLIED: start, end Inline CUT markers identify each proposed audio boundary after the relevant word. --- ORIGINAL TRANSCRIPT WITH PROPOSED CUTS MARKED --- [PROPOSED CUT 1 START at 00:00:00.000; remove through 00:08:57.240] [CUT] Now the chances are this morning that you won't remember this, but when the events of the last number of years first sort of broke publicly a little bit more than four years ago, I not only asked you to pray for me at that time, but I asked you to pray specifically that my faith would not fail. Don't know if any of you remember that. I do because I knew going into all of this what an era of vulnerability that I would face personally. And that prayer that my faith would not fail is clearly echoed then in these words that we just read together from Luke chapter 22, the verses 31 and 32, "Simon, Simon, Satan is asked to sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail, and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers. I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail." Now to have faith that fails is to give up hope in God and take matters back into your own hands. And failing faith manifests itself in many different ways. It manifests itself in the person who becomes an atheist, he stops believing there even is a God. It manifests itself in a person who becomes an agnostic, doesn't know for sure whether God is or whether God isn't, but he doesn't want him to be part of his life. It can even manifest itself in just losing a relationship with God. You don't deny that he's there, you know that he is, but you no longer believe that he's good and you no longer believe that you can put your life in his hands, instead you take matters back into your own hands. And when life is hard, and when God disappoints, and when people disappoint, and when you fail yourself, then it is easy for faith to fail. In the time that we have this morning, I want to share with you from my own experience now, four factors which individually, let alone taken together, came very close by times to putting me in a place where my faith would have failed. And were it not for the grace of God, and were it not for the incredible love, support, encouragement, and prayers of this community, I am confident that I would not be standing before you today. So if you're good with that, will you allow me to share some of my journey in this whole process? Is that all right? Because even if it isn't, we're going to anyway, just be upfront with you. But it helps that you're on board. It makes me a little bit more comfortable, because it's always risky to speak from the heart. The first factor that came very close to destroying my faith is that of broken relationships. Now as many of you know, one of the conditions established by Synod for my suspension to be lifted was for me to undergo a psychological assessment for fitness of ministry. A bit of a humbling experience just for the record after being in ministry for 40 years. But one that I submitted to because we all have blind spots, and I don't want my blind spots to get in the way of my ministry. So Michelle and I trucked off to Midwest Ministry Development in Chicago, and there for three days as you know, I underwent intensive psychological testing. I went through seven psychological tests. I like to joke sometimes that after all of that, I'm probably the only pastor in Classes Quinte who is certified sane. I'm not telling you the other pastors are not sane, but I'm certified sane. I want you to know that. But one of the tests that I underwent while I was there is a test called the Wagner Enneagram Personality Style Scales, big word. It's a test that tries to determine sort of what are your fundamental personality coping styles of how you relate. And it measures you on a scale of nine different factors, and I won't take a lot of time about this this morning, but it's leading somewhere. So take a look at this for a moment. These are the nine that if we can get those up. They're coming. There they are. These are the nine personality styles that this particular test puts you through. The good person, the loving person, the effective person, the original person, the wise person, the loyal person, the joyful person, the powerful person, and the peaceful person. And just to make you feel good this morning, I'm going to give you a chance to play psychiatrist for me. Now you know me a little bit. If we can get those back up, which of those would you think describes me best? Which one? Two is the loving person. Which one was the other one? Five, the wise person, the loyal person. You're not doing bad, but you're all wrong. The top one, and this surprised me as it will surprise you, is the peaceful person. Fred over here says no way, thanks a lot. Wise is number two. And what was the other one? Nothing was number three, but peaceful comes out on top, and I'll tell you why that is. And I'll tell you why some of you are surprised by that. I'm a middle child. I know how to relate to both ends of the spectrum. And personality wise, you will not find a lot of people who are in conflict with me because truly I am a peacemaker. What gets me in so much trouble is not my personality, thank you very much, it's my commitment to Jesus. Because when I stand up for what is right, it causes conflict and confusion. But here's my point in leading you with this because there is, in addition to each of these primary personality structures, two what they call wing styles, that is to say, styles of dealing with things that are part of you, but that illustrate the kind of people that you draw to yourself and that you have relationships with. Take a look at this and you'll see what that looks like. My two wing styles are effective and loyal. That is to say, I draw to myself people who are good at what they do. And I am so proud of this community as to how it kept functioning in my absence because the leadership that you have here has been a gift of God to this community. I want you to give them a hand because they've done a terrific job holding [CUT] on. [PROPOSED CUT 1 END at 00:08:57.240; resume after this marked segment] But you notice the other one is loyal. And what that means is that I value loyalty. Not only am I a loyal person, but I expect people to be loyal. So not just to me, but more especially loyal to Jesus. Listen to these words of Jesus. Now we'll come back to that one later. Jesus talks in Mark chapter 335 that his mother and his brother and his sisters are those who do the will of God. That's what happens in Christian community. And so here's what I'm coming to. When people abandon me, as sometimes they do for a variety of reasons, perhaps legitimate, some not so. Or when people abandoned me without a word of farewell, as also happens upon more than one occasion, or when people abandoned me and then turn around and betray me, that cuts me to the quick. It fills my mind with incomprehension and so much pain that at one point in the early stages of this whole journey, and I don't know if I want to share this with you, I despaired of life itself, and you can read into that what you want, but I wondered if life was worth living. The pain of that almost destroyed me. And I know I'm not the only one, because many of you have had to pay a high price to remain faithful to the Lord's call and vision on the life of this church, and the only comfort that I can provide you with today are these words of Jesus in Mark chapter 10, the verses 29 and 30, "No one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age, homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children in fields, and with them persecutions, and in the age to come, eternal life. In the meantime, it hurts a lot." Second factor, then, that came very close to destroying my faith is what I would call relentless legalism, relentless legalism. I don't know if you've ever found yourself in a situation where your life was placed under a microscope, and every possible detail was dredged up, not with the view to correct or encourage or to love you, but with the view of finding fault and exposing your flaws for the whole world to see. I've been through that more than once in the course of my life in ministry, and I can tell you this morning, it's not a very good feeling. It's not a very good feeling because when it is not motivated by love, it exposes you, and it fills you with hopelessness. Because as far as I'm concerned, legalism, especially relentless legalism, does two things. First of all, it kills you. It destroys life. The apostle Paul put it this way in 2 Corinthians chapter 3 verse 6. He says, "The letter kills, but the spirit gives life." And I like to picture it this way. Imagine you have a child in your home, and you're one of those parents who has an impossibly high standard for that child to live up to. And every time the child fails, you don't show mercy, you don't show compassion, you provide the child with punishment. What do you think is going to happen to that child in short order? He's going to get discouraged, he's going to shut down, and before you know it, he or she has no desire and no ability to do life. That's what legalism does. When all you're ever told is what you're supposed to be, and of all you're ever reminded of is what your failure are, that is a recipe for death and for destruction. One of the books that I'm currently reading is Patti Millett's book, Nowhere But Up. Don't know how many of you know her? Anybody recognize the name? She's Justin Bieber's mother. You've heard of Justin Bieber, I'm sure. If not, you need some lessons in cross-cultural communication. But Patti is a devoted follower of Jesus. I've watched her a couple of times on Huntley Street, very impressed with her. And in the book, Nowhere But Up, she tells her life story, how very early in life her father left her, very early in life she experienced multiple occasions of sexual abuse. The shame and the brokenness of that led to a life of alcohol and drinking and partying as she grew up. So much so that she got to a point where life was no longer worth living and she tried to kill herself and her chosen method of trying to kill herself was to jump in front of a big truck coming down the street. Her timing was off. The truck driver was able to swerve and miss her. And so she ends up in the psych ward for six weeks or more to receive treatment there. And it was in the psych ward that a fellow by the name of John, who was sort of the manager of a youth center called The Bunker, would visit her regularly, preach Jesus to her. She had no interest in hearing about Jesus, but she loved his love. And at long last, he said something to her that stuck in her mind. He said, "Patti, you have tried doing life on your own. It hasn't gotten you anywhere. Why not try God?" And so as happened so often in those kinds of situations, she cried out to God, God heard her powerfully manifest himself in her life, and she experienced grace. Because you see, God in Christ not only measures us up to this impossible standard of the law, but God in Christ forgives us. God in Christ empowers us. God in Christ changes us from the inside out. That's why in a church like this, in churches all over the world, we preach a gospel of grace. Because it doesn't matter where you've been, what you've done, or how badly put together you are on the inside, God in Christ is bigger. But I don't know about you, but I find that incredibly good news, isn't it? That's what we're about. The law kills. It also makes hypocrites out of us. Because what happens to that child that gets knocked down every time his or her sins are found out? Well, it won't take very long before the next time you confront that child, did you steal the cookie, did you have the chocolate on your face, the child's going to lie. Because to be found out is to be punished, nobody wants to be found out, nobody wants to be punished. And so what happens under relentless legalism is that people begin to live pretend lies. You pretend to be one thing on the outside, you cannot own what lives on the inside, because people will never let you forget it, and it will always be held against you. I'm so glad we live in a community of grace. Where I can make mistakes, where you can make mistakes, we can forgive each other, we can leave it in the past, and we have a future, and we have a hope, because we serve a God who gives us a future, and who gives us hope because of Jesus Christ. That's the gospel of grace. The third factor that came very close to doing my faith in, particularly over these last six months, is what I would call the silence of God. The psalmist said many years ago in Psalm 83 verse 1, "Oh God, do not keep silent. Be not quiet, oh God, be not still." Do not keep silent, be not quiet, oh God, be not still. I learned a long time ago that a Christian believer can do almost anything if he or she knows that God is right there, and he's walking with you side by side, isn't that true? King David again in the Psalms, he puts it this way in Psalm 18 verse 29, "With your help, I can advance against a troop, with my God, I can scale a wall." And many of us here this morning have known that reality at different times, times of illness, times of difficulty, times of incredible financial pressure, you didn't know where to go, you cried out to God, and sometimes, as in Patti Millett's story, God parts the heavens and he shows up, and you know that you can keep on going because he is just incredibly powerful. The problem, however, that believers have faced throughout the centuries is that sometimes when you most need God, he is nowhere to be found. One of the books that I had opportunity also to read during my enforced sabbatical is called Hope for the Hopeless, which is the sequel to Father to the Fatherless, which deals, as you will recall, with the Charles Mulley mission in Kenya. And if Father to the Fatherless tells the story of that mission and how it came to be, this particular book deals with the incredible suffering imposed on Kenya due to ethnic violence after an election that went awry. Kenya for many years was one of the most stable nations in the continent of Africa. But after an election which was contested, it was tribe against tribe, and one of the stories that really struck me in this book was the story of a man who lost his only son in the ethnic conflict. He was an active churchgoer, and he had but one request for the Lord as he was racing towards his house, which the enemy had set on fire in his absence, namely that the Lord would spare his only son. Instead, when he reached the smoldering ruin, he found his son's body lying face down in the ashes so badly butchered that he could only be identified with a prominent birth mark. And that's where I want to pick up the story in the book, because the man says to Charles Mulley, "I was active in the church. Whenever God asked me to do something, I did it. When a neighbor was in trouble, I gave food or money, whatever was needed. I would travel long distances to help relatives. I would work late into the evening for anyone who needed something. I prayed every day, read my Bible, and then came the attacks, and as I was running to my house, I thought to myself, 'This is when I actually need him to come through for me. I need him right now to protect my son.'" How many of us here have ever found ourselves in that kind of situation where you say, "God, if ever you're going to do something, now I really need you because this is closest to my heart." He goes on to say, "And what did he do?" He said, "When it's time to rely on my God whom I have served, when it was time to have him show that he is for me, what happened?" He said, "I presumed that I could count on God, that I could follow him, and he would look after me and my family. And I'm sure there are others who still think this way. They think they can trust God to work everything out for them, but they're wrong." He says, "All of us are vulnerable before God. We think he is our protector, that he will come to our aid when we are in trouble, but he is like a game warden who is miles away. And we are left in the jungle alone with a dozen ravenous lions ready to tear us apart. God is so far away from us that not only does he not come to our aid, but he doesn't even hear our cry for help. There are times in your life and in my life when we most need God, that he doesn't seem anywhere to be found. Unless you think that as an experience that is unique to us, or that it happens simply because of our sinful condition, which of course is always a possibility, let me remind you that scripture is filled with that struggle. The struggle of faith that says, "God, where are you? When I need you most, listen to these words of Job. If only I knew where to find him. If only I could go to his dwelling. I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments. I would find out what he would answer me and consider what he would say." The psalmist, Psalm 42 verse 3, "My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'" And then of course the words of Jesus himself quoting Psalm 22, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Sometimes, when you most need him, it seems he is the farthest away. And there are many reasons for that, and we could talk about that long and detailed, but I won't, other than to say this, that one of the reasons for that is that when we go through hard, hard times, we get overwhelmed by all the things that come at us and our hearts begin to close down because that's the only way to survive. We all know that experience. You stop thinking about the negative, you stop worrying about the future, you just steal yourself and you go forward. But you see, as always, in shutting down the negative, we also shut down the positive, and so as our hearts become cold and hard sometimes, we also lose the capacity to relate in love and to relate in strength. And sometimes, in the moments of our deepest need, prayer is the hardest thing that we can do ourselves. And I'm not ashamed to tell you there have been times in my journey where I have been at the mercy of your prayers where all I could do in my own prayers is say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord. Lord, I trust you and I love you, but I don't know what else to say because the pain is too deep." But I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me, but that's the reality of what happens when you walk through the valley of the shadow. Because raw faith says, "God, where are you?" Do you understand? Identify at all? You see, faith is not faith until you have to believe God and there is no evidence that God is there and he's going to build you out. Now understand, that doesn't mean that he's not there, and that doesn't mean that he isn't ready to help us, it just doesn't feel that way when you're in the middle of grave illness or in the middle of a grave crisis or in the middle of a grave disappointment. All right, moving on, one more thing that I experienced in this journey that came very close to wiping me out spiritually, and that is what I would call overwhelming temptation. And by overwhelming temptation, I don't just mean the temptation to do stupid things or sinful things, those are always there and I could give you a chapter and verse of the ones that I have encountered, but I mean particularly the temptation to give up on God. Not the temptation to become an atheist or an agnostic necessarily, but the temptation to give up believing that God is good, that he can be trusted with my life, and that I can leave the consequences in his hand and that I don't need to take matters into my own hands. That is the challenge when you go through the valley of the shadow, the temptation to throw in the towel. And more than one colleague of mine over the past number of months has said to me, why don't you just retire, you're close to or at retirement age, you don't need this kind of aggravation and humiliation, why put yourself through this? And I'll tell you that temptation has been pretty powerful. Because why indeed put yourself through this? Whether rightly or wrongly, why put yourself through this? And the only thing that I can keep coming back to is not that I have a desire to hold on to my job, because I am at retirement age and you know when everybody goes down south of Florida, I'm feeling a distinct calling there, I want you to know that. But you know it was back, and you've heard me tell this story before, it was back in 1978 that the Lord said to me that he was going to call me one day to Maranatha in Belfall, that is six years before you called me. And I am here today, I believe with all my heart, because God has called me here. And until God says that call is completed or finished, I'm going to do everything that I know that is in my power to be faithful to that call. And that's why I'm still here, not because I'm stubborn, or any of the adjectives that get thrown in my direction sometimes, but because I am gripped by the call of God. But I would be less than honest if I told you that the temptation to walk away from it all wasn't strong by times, I mean I'll spare you the details, but just understand what I'm trying to say when I say that. And so here I stand before you this morning, and the verse that comes to my mind are the words of the Apostle Paul that Dave spoke on on the New Year's Eve service a while back, 2 Corinthians 4, 8 and 9, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed." And I'm standing before you today not because, and I want to be very clear about this, not because I'm so pious, not because I am so spiritual, and not because I am so strong, because I have long since come to the end of my own get up and go. I am here by the grace of God and the prayers of His people, and I cannot tell you how grateful and thankful I am for your encouragement and your support in this journey. You could have easily turned your backs on me. I've brought, whether rightly or wrongly, shame on you in many ways. You've, you know, had to sort of shamefully admit that you belong to Maranatha when it comes up in certain quarters, but you've stuck it out. And we're here today, I believe, ready to recommit ourselves to the journey that God has put us on. Is that not true? And so by God's grace, I want to recommit myself to serve you as long as the Lord calls me and gives me breath. I think it's going to take a number of years to sort of rebuild some of the places where we have lost, and it will certainly take some time to eventually transition into new and different senior pastoral leadership. But I invite you to join me on that journey because we need to do it together. I cannot do it alone, staff cannot do it alone, council cannot do it alone. We can only do it with your help and support. And I won't tell you too much other than to say that your letters to the Board of Trustees in my judgment were critical in calling the Board of Trustees to account and in lifting my suspension. And I cannot thank you enough for that also. So the journey ahead won't all be easy, but by God's grace, we can do it because we can learn to do hard. There are wounds in all our lives that need to be bound up. There are relationships for many of us that need to be, if not mended, then at least come to some measure of closure. And there is fire in our bellies that needs to be rekindled with love for God and love for each other because you see, part of the temptation is that when loving other people and laying your heart bare for them and having them abandon you or walk away from you or turn against you, it cuts you to the quick and you come to the place where you say, why should I love anybody anymore? Live for myself like the rest of the world does. But that is not an option if we're going to be followers of Jesus. So my prayer, my petition is that upon sober self-reflection, each of us take due stock of who we are, where the Lord has called us. We recommit ourselves to his service. We see where he will lead. And I believe in Christ that our best years are still to come. [CUT] [PROPOSED CUT 2 START at 00:35:27.360; remove through 00:40:08.000] Peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. Whatever my love thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. Though Satan should profit, though trials should come, let this bless assurance control. That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed his own blood for my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. My sin, O the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin not in part, but the whole. It is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. The Lord haste the day when my face shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll. The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, even so it is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul. [ [CUT]BLANK_AUDIO] [PROPOSED CUT 2 END at 00:40:08.000; resume after this marked segment]